So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with