Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.