Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.