Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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