So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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