I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
