and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
