her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
