he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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