i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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