We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize