Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
