If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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