Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
