Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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