yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize