Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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