what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
