I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
