Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
