she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
