There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm at about main and main street
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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