just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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