Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
