honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
