Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
