My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
