I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
