i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
