Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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