That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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