ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
