If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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