you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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