Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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