there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
