It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
