Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
