Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
