It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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