even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
