we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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