Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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