i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
