I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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