i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
