dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Vodka?
Forever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
