2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
