My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
