I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My legs feel like baby dolphins
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
