Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
