I'm really into asian looking animals
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
