smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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