Moan for me like Helen Keller
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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