Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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