so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
being pregnant is like rehab
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
COCAINE IS GR8
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
