I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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