WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
