i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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