He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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