I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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