My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
