remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
last night I used snow as a chaser
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
