i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
