Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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