Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
