the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
