i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
