here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
