Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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