Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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