it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
