You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
