So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
