between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
