then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
