we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's like iHOP with fire
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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