I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
