You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
