Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
