I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
