and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
