i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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