i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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