You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
